A dedication to all those Kenyans who give people free lifts in their rides. I hope I will be able to appropriately present your sentiments.
If you are a driver, probably drive your own car or have one that is under your care, you probably have heard the words,
"Niaje bro, si unidunge lift hadi base x?"
Or in the case of a female,
"Hey Lelli (insert smiley face). can you please drop me at base x?"
*base x being your destination of choice
Problem number one
It so happens these requests sometimes are presented at the most inconvenient times especially when you are going in a totally different direction. Of course it won't be much of a problem if you are both heading in the same direction but if you are heading in a totally different way, there arises problem number one.
If you are a dude, you know it is easier to tell a fellow dude no and they will harbour no hard feelings. After all, catching feelings is for he weak. However, saying no becomes much more of a mountainous task when the request is presented by a member of the opposite sex. you have to be more understanding and all that emotional stuff you have to be sensitive to.
Me to dude: "Zii, siendi hiyo direction"
Dude to me: "Sawa, tuchekiane morrow basi."
Me to chic: "Eeeerm....... Well......."
Problem number two
After establishing the time of departure and the destination, suddenly, especially in the case of the female race, three or four other passengers will appear at the designated time and spot. A plus three is the maximum if you have a five seater, anything more than that is attempting to mock the traffic gods that randomly parade our roads. so usually the driver has to find a way of breaking one of their hearts or breaking the law. I think I should call this 2(a) because....
The second problem 2(b) is if the self-invited passengers make themselves comfortable and fill the little air left in the car with their conversations and totally exclude you as if you are taxi driver and not a new acquaintance. It is like coming to my house and talking about my dog instead of talking to me.
Then at times, they may leave some litter in the car as if their handbags have no room for the wrappings they threw around. Or in the case of dudes, have no hands and feet to escort the litter to the nearest dustbin.
Ooh and insisting you change your playlist or the radio station as if they do not have multimedia enabled mobile phones.
CARRY YOUR OWN RADIO AND EARPHONES!!!!
The worst part of accommodating unexpected passengers is that they are now seated in the seat reserved for your imaginary friend and now you have to relegate the poor dude to the boot.
Or you thought we open the boot when people come to dump our laptops in there???
LEAVE SPACE FOR THE IMAGINARY FRIEND. Back left preferably
Problem number three
In the case of ladies usually,
Lady: "Can we stop at this supermarket I buy something?"
Me in my head: what option do I have?
Me to lady: Sure
Lady: goes and spends an eternity there. Does monthly shopping (and it is mid-month), sees a beautician, catches up with friends she bumped into and whatever else that can be conceived as possible.
Problem number four
This is the deal breaker. The meat in the sandwich. The big cahuna. The meat in the buffet.
Fuel, FUel, FUEl, FUEL.
As a driver, you probably have a blacklist of friends especially who ask for lifts and never for once offer to fuel. And they will ask you to drop them off at Big Square or Java or Art Caffe to go meet their pals, yet they are apparently too broke to help you fuel your car.
Though it might be important at this stage to mention, fuel is budgeted for. When a driver fuels his car, he or she has an idea of how much distance the fuel should cover. So in essence, the fuel is designed to help him reach home at the end of the day and home only. Any other extra distances is up to you as the passenger to cover. After all, your extra trips are not in a driver's budget, are they?
And please, fuel tanks run only on petrol and diesel. They do not accept the following:
1. Thank you
2. God bless you
If you ever served that for supper or traded it in at a supermarket and can prove it, we will gladly accept your tokens.
PS: We might not ask you to fuel because we may be feeing rich or because of our ego. However, if you offer, we will take note of your good manners and cross you off our blacklists. And stop praying to God to punish you with the blessing of a car so that you may suffer as you have made others before you to.
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