My wife

"Yo guys, I  have been summoned by my father. He wants me to go to Nanyuki with him. I don't know why but it sounded like a emergency."

Summoning is an act exercised by a father when he is in the last stages of denial that his son has moved out and started his life as a bachelor. Usually the last kicks of a dying reality-rejecting horse. The guys here are my housemates who have turned my life upside down since moving out. We inform each other of summon notices just to verify in advance that we have no intentions whatsoever of being kidnapped.

So here I was on my way to Nanyuki on the morrow. My father, my brother and I. He spoke something about a deal he wanted me to be a witness to, my brother and I. He sounded suspicious.  He sometimes did pull those lines but today it just sounded off. I looked in the direction of my brother for more information but he looked as clueless as Old Lenku.

After the three hour drive, we arrived at a humble homestead somewhere on the leeward side of Mt. Kenya. The air was fresh, though chilly. The reception on the other hand, totally the opposite. Unusually warm in every sense. Lesos spread on the ground in  a red carpet fashion. Something that smelt like goat meat boiling in a sack of potatoes as the Kikuyus love it. And the rice, which at that time I suspected had been laced with tonnes of potatoes and salt.
The singing kikuyu women. Singing what sounded like wedding songs. That is the problem with being an urban kikuyu. Some words just fly by you like the annoying fly that you cannot catch in your palms.

So we sat down in those blue plastic chairs reserved for special dignitaries. Then the warm sodas that they put in room temperature water to try and deceive the rest of society that they are actually cold. Then they served the overcooked and under-salted goat meat with the rice. At least the chapatis were decently done. Then followed the speeches, or at least the opening speeches.

Leo tumejaliwa kushuhudia maajabu ya Mungu. Bibilia yasema kwamba wawili wakiletwa pamoja, hakuna anayefaa kuwatenganisha. Amina??

AMINA!!!

Leo hii, tuna furaha nyingi kama jamii ya Kamau kumpa boma ya Mwangi mtoto wetu Wangari. Wangari, ebu kuja hapa.

I stared in disbelief as a homely looking young lady stepped forth from within the house. Decent looking lady. Short hair, chocolate complexion, dark eyes and milk white teeth. Her nose was neither too big nor too small and her overall body structure was in line.
So I guessed I had come to witness my brother's ruracio. I was surprised to see that my elder brother had decided to finally get serious and settle. God knows how much he needs a woman in his life to bring things into order.

Mwanaume wa nyumba ya Mwangi anaweza simama??

I expect my brother to stand then my dad stood up and said,
"Ndiye huyu kijana wetu.  Muriithi, ebu njoo hapa."

DID HE JUST CALL ME OUT???  ME???  ME?????  WHAT????